Wednesday, December 29, 2004

Still Waiting

Is it because I am a type A personality, or because I am obsessively compulsive? Or am I obsessively compulsive because I have a type A personality? I am not sure, but I can tell you that if I check my email or try to register for an upper division computer science class one more time today, it would be safe to say that I am obsessively compulsively type A. It feels like my entire professional life hangs in the balance, and at this point it is so completely out of my control. So, I sit here at work, at home, wherever there is an internet connection checking to see if perchance my major has been changed, or maybe if I got an email, or if by some chance I could register for the classes that I should take. It is like a little thought in the back of my mind that will not go away it says things like:

“What are you going to do if you don’t get accepted?”
“Maybe you should go check your email and the school site again?”
“They probably don’t think that you are good enough.”
“If you go check again, maybe they have made some decision or announcement.”

And then the little thought repeats itself over and over. The only comforting point in this whole waiting period is that I am not quite facing it alone. None of my classmates have heard from the school or been able to register yet either.

I feel trapped. Isolated. Stuck. Every time I see that my major has not yet been changed, I feel like the world gets a little bit smaller. Yes, I am probably taking this way too far, but I just want to know.

And so I wait, and try not to compulsively check my email.

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